


Eren and the Levi Tree

by nanachan413



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Multi, confrontations with parents about boyfriends that are trees, i don't know where i'm going with this, levi is a tree, supposed to be humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-06
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-02-03 15:05:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1748900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanachan413/pseuds/nanachan413
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He hadn't expected <em>this</em> to happen when he'd admitted aloud that maybe, just maybe, the bent little tree wasn't so bad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Ooh another fanfiction. Fun times, for all.
> 
> Levi is a tree.
> 
> That being said, he _is_ in human form. Eren is NOT, in any way, in a romantic relationship with just a plant. Levi isn't just a plant, ya hear? He's _special_. 
> 
> Apologies if you're into romantic relationships with normal plants. 
> 
> I don't have anything planned for this, it's like some weird river. On its own course. 
> 
> Enjoy~

Eren looked at the tree.

 

The tree stared back at him with a strong, heavy gaze.

 

Eren raised an eyebrow so high, it almost flew off his forehead.

  
  


The tree had been there, small and crooked and misshapen, since Eren’s early childhood days when the Jaegers had moved in from Chicago. It sat, in all of its crooked glory, directly opposite from Eren’s window, which meant it was the first thing he set his eyes on every morning. Little Jaeger hadn’t liked it all that much.

 

“Mo-om, can’t we move it?”

 

“No, dear, we can’t. How would you like it if you were suddenly moved from your house?”

 

“At least I’d never have to see the tree again.”

 

“Eren!”

 

As the years went by, Eren began to harbor somewhat of an affinity towards the little bent-over tree. It was his.

 

When friends of ten-year-old Eren remarked that it was too puny and twisted to build a treehouse in, the boy gave one of them a bloody nose.

 

When Uncle Hannes wanted to pull it out for fear that it might ruin Carla’s beautiful yard, fourteen-year-old Eren adamantly refused, nearly pushing his drunken relative out of the house.

 

When Eren meandered through the first years of high school, trying to fit in with the rest of the gangly freshmen and sophomores, bumping through hilly paths of friendship and academics and romance and all the other troubles surrounding a teenage boy, he sat by the tree and stared at it for hours, calm and calculating. _You’re actually a nice tree, tree._

He didn’t expect for it to answer his thought with a calm rejection of the compliment. It kind of hurt to have a tree tell you to “...shut the fuck up, or I’ll castrate you.”

 

 _And now, back to the present situation that I seem to have on my hands._ “What the fuck are you?”

 

“The fuck are you, shitty brat?”

 

“Why am I getting asked that?! You just materialized from a tree!”

 

“Your point?”

 

“I dunno, that you _materialized from a fucking tree?!_ ”

 

“You already made that point, shitty brat. Stop yelling, it’s hurting my ears.”

 

“You’re not human, why do you have ears?!”

 

“Are you stupid enough that you think only humans have ears, you fucking walnut?”

 

“Who calls people walnuts?” Trees called people walnuts, apparently, if that’s what this _thing_ was. Granted, he looked human enough, though Eren doubted any living human could be in the possession of such cold, calculating eyes, though. _It must be the price of being a tree. They live so long that they’ve become old and senile._

“Who’s senile, you shitty brat?”

 

_Oh yeah, he can hear me think._

 

“You bet your dick I can. Though,” the tree continued thoughtfully, “I’m surprised at how well you took it, truthfully.”

 

_I beg to differ, Mr. Tree. This is all absolutely horrifying._

 

“Nevermind, brat.” It was the beginning of a beautifully bitter relationship.

  
  



	2. I'll Keep My Arm Where It Is, Thank You Very Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tend to write short, short chapters. Thanks for bearing with this so far :)

Eren learned quite a lot about the crooked plant. Mr. Tree was a blunt conversationalist with a strange set of insults--and he preferred toilet humor over most other types, apparently.

For instance, he remarked smartly about his ability to defecate when Eren asked about his physical state. _Are you, like, a ghost or something?_

“You have a brain the size of a squirrel’s. Have you ever seen a ghost shit, fuckroot?”

_Uh, no…_

“So why do you think I’m a ghost? Little fucker.”

_To be fair, I haven’t seen you shit, either._

“Because that would be fucking creepy.”

_You’re an asshole, Mr. Tree._ Eren fairly seethed with rage.

“Thank you, I try. You think I was born this way, shitty brat?”

_Nah, some horrible childhood incident gave you a lifetime of trauma, Mr. Tree. I’m really considering pulling you out of the ground right now, you know?_

“Go ahead and try, fuckface. You don’t even fucking talk, how are you going to physically dig me up?”

_I do tal--_ "I do talk!" Eren had forgotten that he could speak at all, to be honest. “And I’ll have you know that I _can_ dig you.”

“Mm, so you dig me, huh?”

“I don’t even know what you are! That’s _not_ what I meant!” Eren thought he saw his neighbor peering through her window at the insane teenager talking to a tree. _You know what, Ms. Zoe? You own two gargantuan cats named after a cannibal. You’re hardly one to talk._

“There’s nothing wrong with cats, shitty brat.”

“Mr. Tree, _it’s not polite to listen in on a person’s thoughts!_ ”

“‘Levi’, although not necessary, is much preferred, you rude fucker. Learn a plant spirit’s name, will ya?” Eren grimaced. Well, at least he had a label for the squat plant. 

“The next time you refer to me as ‘squat’, I’ll rip your arm off and sew it to your stomach.”

Eren almost turned tail and ran back inside.


	3. Admit it, I Lessen Your Wrinkles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um.
> 
> Hey. So. 
> 
> Hi. 
> 
> My grave is still unoccupied because I am not actually dead, contrary to popular belief. Here's a 433-word blurb that's actually been sitting unfinished in my Google Drive for approximately 4859201.56 years because un-updated tree fics. 
> 
> sorrysorrysorry i cry ;A;

“Hey, Levi.” 

“Yeah, brat?”

“On a scale of one to freshman Biology class, how bored do you get out here?” Eren lay sprawled on his back, trying to discover animals pocketed within the cotton-candied skies. He’d done all of his homework, courtesy of one resigned best friend with a bowl cut, and currently had enough time on his hands to waste some of it. Hovering beside him was the tree spirit, looking less displeased than usual. Eren liked to think the deduction of little creases between Levi’s perfect eyebrows was due to his presence. 

Levi corrected _that_ thought in a jiffy. “No, shitty brat, my mood has no reliance upon your shit company. I have no idea what you’re talking about, Jaeger, I’m just glad that the fucking birds decided to take craps on someone else’s leaves. Get up, there’s nasty shit on the ground.”

“You didn't answer my question,” Eren prodded, determined to know what plants did in their free time. The tree shot him a glare. Curiosity killed the cat, and Levi looked undoubtedly irritated. 

“Persistent, are you?” the spirit replied. “When I’m not stuck with your ugly mug, I focus my combined efforts towards taking the biggest shit known to world, mortal and immortal.”

“Ha. Come on, be serious.”

“I am more serious than your mother when she prunes the roses over there. You need to get her to stop fucking doing that, kid, because listening to those shitty plants gloating about how well-fucking-kept they are gives me a migraine and a half. Fucking show-offs.” Levi flipped the bird in the general direction of Carla’s rose bushes. “They’re worse than the shittiest cactuses, I tell you, and cacti are _horrendous_ little shits--worse than you, brat.” 

Eren giggled, taking Levi’s jab in stride. He’d never really liked roses, anyway. 

“I’ll tell her.”

“Good.”

“But she always talks about switching to cacti, since we live in California, you know,” Eren said, keeping a straight face. 

“ _Fuck_ no, cacti are terribl--you little shit, you’re messing with me. Your mother tells the roses that she despises cacti. I hear her every morning.”

“Heh. Levi’s secret fear of cactuses. That’s so very un-Levi of you.” Eren giggled and poked at the tree’s trunk. “What’s next? You terrified of maple trees, too?”

“Maple trees are almost as disgusting as you are, shitface,” replies Levi, as his sprite form cuffed Eren on the back of the head. “Shut up and go finish inking your papers inside.”

“I’ll have you know that I only use pencil on English essays,” yells Eren before he sprints back into the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um.
> 
> Also kinda
> 
> deleted my um
> 
> tumblr so
> 
> yeah oops too much homework and a few not so good scores on important exams = time to stop scrolling through blogging website for 5 years
> 
> also writing style has deteriorated into incomplete phrases but hope you enjoyed chapter yes 
> 
> I swear I've got at least 5k words more of this fic in my writing folder, but I dislike the way about 3.5k of it is worded and so will be posting sporadically throughout these months as if I haven't left this fic hanging for about a year XC Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> ooh tensions arise
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)
> 
> I do the tumblr thing quite often @ allthefangirls.tumblr.com, if you want to visit :3


End file.
